Originally written in 2014 – Follow up to Blast From The Austin Comedy Past | 2014 | Austin Comedy II – Blame Game
It was interesting to me that some comics responded to my blog by telling me what I did to cause the hatred and alienation from the community. No where in the blog did I blame anyone (other than myself) for anything, yet several people felt the need to not only tell me how it was my fault for their crap, or I had a couple (literally, only 2) get all over the way I worded my experience with A GROUP of female comics from the Austin Comedy Community. It was a little sad to me that instead of either just being happy that a fellow comic found a renewed love and energy for Comedy or even being a little embarrassed about how some people in their community have behaved, they felt the need to attack (/question, correct, G-Nazi all over) my writing or come up with reasons why I deserved the harassment. Some people were literally making excuses for why people are dicks, or worse, they don’t even realize they’re being dicks (or dickettes).
It’s the same stuff I’ve gotten for two years. It’s like there’s this wall with some of them, and they just cannot climb high enough on it to even see the other side, to even see that what they tell themselves in their head is NOT what actually happened or NOT the entire story. It no longer hurts me when these people are too weak, too impatient or too insecure to see the bigger picture or to have less hate and fear in their hearts, but it still kinda surprises me every time I see someone I find pretty intelligent or wise say such ridiculous things like:
Note: The only things I’ve ever had to say to Lashonda were about how awesome her sets were and how much I thought she deserved to be Top 3 this year in FPIA (she placed 3rd), and I said both things to her face…like a woman.
I had another prime example of someone I thought to be a wiser person in the community default to The Blame Game, but it seems to have disappeared along with my post with the blog link in one of the Austin Comedy Groups on Facebook. I want to think I’m just missing it and that’s a total possibility, but unfortunately, these are the sorts of things I have learned to expect with some of those in the community. It doesn’t break the rules, but we don’t like it and we don’t like you, so we take it down (again, I could just be making a mistake and missing it – my sincerest apologies if that is the case).
Anyway, yesterday as I was about to get ready for my first performance since October, this article someone had posted jumped out at me:
Playing the Blame Game as a Manipulation Tactic
Well Huh! That sounds familiar!
So I clicked it and read and what do ya know? It describes the people who have given me the hardest time or who have been extra weary/critical of me within the Austin Comedy Community and it helps me make more sense of WHY this all has happened both within this community and in other areas of society. I think it’s a very interesting read whether you’re in comedy/show biz/entertainment or not!
“The tactic of blaming has sometimes been called projecting the blame. The term projection stems from psychodynamic psychology and refers to one of the automatic mental behaviors conceptualized by traditional theorists as ego defense mechanisms. The rationale behind that notion is that sometimes individuals unconsciously “project” onto others motivations, intentions, or actions that they actually harbor themselves but which they would feel far too unnerved or guilty about to acknowledge as their own.”
And the paragraph that really hit the nail on the head, in my opinion:
Neurotic individuals do indeed unknowingly engage in projection defenses. But disordered characters know what they are doing. They are fully conscious about what they know others would see as the wrongfulness of their behavior, despite the fact that they might be perfectly comfortable with their course of action themselves. They don’t have enough guilt or shame about what they’re doing to change course. Nor are they so consumed with emotional pain that they must ascribe to others the motivations they can’t tolerate in themselves. Rather, when they blame others for their wrongful acts, it’s simply an attempt to justify their stance by casting themselves as being in a position where they simply had no choice but to respond the way they did.In this way, they simultaneously evade responsibility as well as manipulate and manage the impressions of others. The tactic goes hand in hand with the tactic of portraying oneself as a victim. It’s typically an effective tactic that gets others to pay attention to everyone or everything else except the disordered character and his wrongful behavior as the source of a problem.
Read the entire article here: http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/02/27/blame-game/