Please grant Phil the SERENITY.
To ACCEPT the things he cannot change,
The COURAGE to change the things he can,
And the WISDOM to know the difference.
I also ran away right before I hit my rock bottom. You can still call me if you ever get to dark places in the scary ass Midwest – I hope you do. You deserve more than being back “Home” for very long. Don’t settle.
Also, do and think whatever you want about AA – I personally didn’t like it for me, but read the Big Book. Give it a chance. At least read the second half with the personal stories.
I don’t think your true demon is alcohol – and I know it isn’t me.
Your biggest enemy is yourself, and the Past I always warned you about and urged you to explore, and the righteous and more than earned anger/rage you have towards some of your childhood memories you never really dealt with…it’s consuming you.
I know you cannot accept many thing right now, especially things that are ready to be love and support for you – things you are still so angry at yet love so much you literally had to run away…and that’s totally okay. I pray you find Peace.
And remember Phil, you’re never alone. You have a couch, a friend that’s as loyal (even if a little annoying and “bitch” when getting a little too “aggressive” towards wannabe Alpha Male Austin Comics) as the stray mutt you abandoned (once the Doggy Style wasn’t worth the “liability” you constantly told me I was to your comedy “career”/life/happiness), and two kids who will always be ready to welcome Uncle Phil back (and jump on him at 7AM) to Austin.
I know it says God and Thee and Thy and it had the nerve to call Rawls a prayer – but this is my favorite piece from all of what AA and rehab had and has taught me over the last decade. I read this before breakfast every morning in the chapel – not because of the God BS, don’t worry, our souls will always meet again in Hell one day – because it was the time the sun shined perfectly on the most peaceful area of the room.
It’s where I felt closest to “home” during a time when I least knew who I was or what the fuck life was for if I wasn’t a fucking hopeless drunk, and when it’d be several years before I would meet my Baby Boy and not only finally feel Home again, but also certain that I will never, ever, be lost uncertain of who I am and what my purpose in this life is.
It works…if YOU work (it).
THIRD STEP PRAYER |
God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me & to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy LOVE & Thy DIRECTION.